The Random Rants of Marcus Gilson

The State of the Union

2011-01-26T21:03:00.001-08:00

As you all know the State of the Union was given last night by Barack Obama. Supposedly he's the President or something? Here are a few thoughts.
I think trains are fun to ride in and I hope they build some more soon.
I find Barack really easy to agree with when he gives speeches, and that is why I will be fully endorsing him in 2012. Unless a Republican decides to enter the race.
Apparently politicians don't get out much, because that smoked salmon joke wasn't that funny.
I'm not sure about this one, but I think John Boehner needed to use the restroom during the whole speech.
Those military guys seemed really happy about the Don't Ask, Don't Tell thing.
I think that was the first time I heard a liberal mention the idea of supporting Tort Reform. Hopefully he follows through on that one, or maybe not, I am going to Law School...
Well needless to say the State of the Union is always kind of fluffy, so we'll just have to wait and see how things go.

Alas, summer is over.

2010-08-29T18:03:00.001-07:00

The end of our most excellent summer is here. Brittany and I had a great time as we made our way around the country. The only region we failed to visit was the ever so exciting Midwest. At the end of each summer I usually get really excited to go back to school. Finally, after 18 years of school going experience, I have learned that it is only more school that I will be going back to. And so I have managed to actually not be that excited for the start of school and truly mourn the end of a great summer. There is, however, just one year left of school, not really but kinda. Here are some of my thoughts as I approach my last year at BYU as an undergraduate student.
1. I need to pass all of my classes this year.
2. Number 1 is normally not a problem, but college seniors and professors like to make a big deal out of it.
3. I was recently visiting with one of my former professors who congratulated me for almost being done and told me I had finally made it to the home stretch. Maybe he forgot that I had been in his office about a letter of recommendation for law school applications?
4. Thinking beyond next April is a little intimidating. I have no idea what we will be up to where we will be living, and how we are going to feed ourselves.
5. The purpose of number 4 was not to ask for any handouts.
6. If ever we do end up poor, homeless, unemployed, please feel free to help us out.
7. Number 6 is where I ask for the handouts.
8. I am a little sad that I will not get to continue studying Portuguese after this year.
9. During the most part of the next six months I will probably be very absorbed in law school admissions stuff. If you do not want to hear about the application process, or law school admissions statistics, please be the one to initiate any communication.
10. I do not know what to put for number 10, but this list would just be awkward if it ended at 9.

My Current Obsession

2010-05-14T14:01:00.001-07:00

So several months ago there was this song that would play on the radio every so often. The other day it came up in a conversation between Brittany and I. The problem is that I cannot remember anything about it besides that it exists and they say something that sounds something like hey low. I decided that I would go online and find out what song it was. The problem is that hey low is apparently not what they were saying. I have no recollection of any other lyrics, so I am in a real bind. I have resorted to constantly listening to hip-hop music in hopes that I might find the song and get it out of my head. I think I have listened to more hip-hop in the last three days than I have in my entire life, and I am not exaggerating. I have learned some interesting things about the genre in my searches.
1. No hip-hop artist has a name that is more than 3 syllables. Most of them are just two.
2. Their names are not real names, usually they are random like Ne-Yo, or Pitbull.
3. The word "low" is in just about every hip-hop song ever written.
4. R is an undesirable letter at the end of words, and z's are preferred to s's. For example, playaz means players.
5. You can perform an entire hip-hop song without using any instrumentz.
6. Pleeze submit any ideaz of what song I might be thinking of to me, because I am really tired of listening to this stuff.

To my fans...

2010-04-26T12:30:00.000-07:00

I have recently been receiving complaints that I have not been posting enough. I agree with and understand your expressed disappointments, but this is why my lack of posting is a good thing:
1. My blog is entitled "The Random Rants of Marcus Gilson", is it not good that I have not had any ranting to do?
2. Number one would be good if it were true. I am actually just to lazy to rant and type at the same time.
3. Number two doesn't actually fit the theme of the list. And neither does number three really.
4. You all have no excuse to waste time reading my blog, which increases productivity, which in turn encourages economic growth.
5. There must be another reason...probably something about optimism, pessimism and having a good attitude, getting homework done, making money although I do that at work, and integrity.
6. Have I not proven my point yet?

The True Meaning of Finals Week

2009-12-14T21:56:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think we humans lose perspective on what things are really all about. I have realized that this finals season I have fallen short of keeping in mind all the real reasons why students must flock to the expanded testing centers at the end of each semester. Here are some of them:

During the semester students get far too much sleep. They must get far less during finals week in order to meet the demands of a long break.

The unimportant details in all classes matter, and even though the professor never thought it important to mention them during the semester he did remember them while writing the final. Students must take the final to realize that they never learned these things.

The fact that a student has carried an A all semester long means nothing to the administration. True excellence is achieved by reciting facts into a test booklet.

All of the great matters of the world can be summed up in just 50-100 multiple choice questions.

So as you go about this finals season don't forget to drain all of that information so that you can make room for next semester!

100 Days and Like 50 Quadrillion to Go Post.

2009-10-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

So I have officially been married for like 100 days now, give or take a few hours. I have decided that I like marriage. Brittany and I have been having lots of fun so far, mainly because our life is so stinkin' easy. I would like to share with you some of my reflections on the last 100 days and a few things about Brittany that the world should know. Brittany may be the only person that actually finds this post interesting, just letting you know.
1. Brittany is much too good for me.
2. I have learned that in many respects I am a dumb male. Yes, there are some things that three older sisters just can't prepare you for.
3. Inside of Brittany is a little political pundit. She just doesn't know it yet.
4. Being married is much more fun when you do not work from 12-8 AM like 13 nights a week.
5. Easy Cheese on Pringles. Enough said.
6. Phase Ten is not a game, it is a war and might I remind you that 1776 may have been a bad year for the Americans but they won that war, and don't you forget it.
7. Ultra just might mean more than super absorbent, not less than light. Even when it is to the left of light.
8. Meatballs never get old, no matter how often you eat them.
9. When you get married, random companies start sending you mail demanding that you pay them. Life should be free.
10. Sinks will always leak and nothing you do will ever stop them.
11. I don't think Brittany actually sleeps. I swear she leaves her alarm on vibrate and wakes up to it every morning.

Portuguese Post

2009-09-12T16:31:00.000-07:00

Last Monday I found myself stressed out over a stupid piece of homework that had no application whatsoever in what I really want to do for a living. Inspired by this complete distaste for Excel formulas that make no sense, I decided to change my major. I decided that because I am so far along in school, I would need to choose a short major that I would really enjoy. I decided that the perfect major for me would be Portuguese. I don't know who reads this blog, but some of you may have not been aware that Portuguese is actually a major. Well it is, and I have decided to do it. I think it will go fairly well.
Now for those of you who read this blog looking for inconsistencies in my writing, I want you to know that I am fully aware that Portuguese literature also has little to do with what I want to do for a living, which is to practice law. Because there is basically no major that truly captures the spirit of the legal world, I decided to choose a major that would be fun and interesting to me.

Last Day of Work Post

2009-08-12T05:41:00.000-07:00

So I have been married for over a month now, and I am just about done with my graveyard shift job (I have about an hour and ten minutes left). This is really exciting for multiple reasons, let me explain:
1. Brittany and I might actually get used to sleeping in the same bed. Eventually Brittany won't have to tell me that she spent half the night on the couch because she couldn't sleep, because I like kept kicking her or something.
2. I will now know what day of the week it is. Life gets so confusing when you are awake all night and asleep all day.
3. I get weekends back! Brittany and I are really excited about this one. Brittany has been spending saturdays alone, but now I will be awake with her. She may stop liking this one after a little while.
4. I will be able to stay awake in church.
5. And there is one that I know at least Brittany is excited about: She doesn't have to stay awake till midnight waiting for me to go to work anymore. She likes to go to bed early.

News Junkee Post

2009-07-31T09:34:00.000-07:00

Everyone, I have done it! Last night at around 10:00 pm Brittany and I sat down to work on our puzzle, and what did Brittany do? She turned on Fox News. Yes my politically disinterested wife has become somewhat politically interested. When she turned on the news I thought she was just turning it on for me. When I asked her if she liked Fox News she said yes, and I told her she was lying and then she said, "No I really do, sometimes I wake up in the morning and I'm like, I wonder what they're saying on Fox News." I could hardly believe it. By November 2012 she will be wanting to host an election night party for sure! Don't you just love life's little victories?

Humility Post

2009-07-27T23:35:00.000-07:00

So, remember that part about putting the pipes back together correctly? Well, for the most part I did fine, but when I turned the water to the sink back on, apparently it started some sort of leak. I came home from work at 8:00 am to find a very wet kitchen. It was all very exciting. The carpet got kind of wet so we decided to put those Shamwow towels to the test. They were very absorbent and I was most impressed. The carpet is still a little wet because there was a lot of water, but besides that the house is mostly back together. I was slightly humbled by the situation, but at least Brittany still thinks I'm hot.

Pride Post

2009-07-27T05:01:00.001-07:00

I would like to brag.
I recently got married so now I have to like take care of stuff/fix things. This has been an interesting endeavor. The most recent occured last night. The disposal side of our sink was clogged. Naturally it was my job to fix it. So I started taking the pipes under the sink apart. Eventually I hit the right one because when I opened it a large mass of food spit out, and then water came flooding out. Luckily I had placed a pot underneath to catch any water that should decide to come flying out. The sight was similar to violent vomitting. The carrot peelings acted as convincing "chunks". Needless to say it was all very exciting, and according to Brittany, "[it] was hot!" Yeah, she was way impressed. She is soooo lucky...unless I didn't put the pipes back together correctly.

Flossing Post

2009-07-08T23:57:00.000-07:00

You know what amazes me? We have put a man on the moon, we can connect with people instantly on the other side of the world, and we build buildings over a thousand feet tall, and yet we still clean out the spaces between our teeth with string. Seriously?! Not to mention the fact that you go to the dentist and when they find holes in your teeth they make them bigger, and then fill them up with cement. I have decided that either NASA, Bill Gates, or Al Gore needs to direct their innovative thinking towards dental hygiene. Now don't get me wrong I love my dentist dearly, but the industry is seriously lacking in innovation. I'm thinking that if there can be wireless XBox controllers, there must be some room for some easification in the whole dental hygiene genre of torture. In the spirit of wireless technology, why not wireless flossing? If they can cut your eye open with a laser surely they can remove a little plaque and tartar right? Can you imagine how much easier it would be to get kids to floss? Who doesn't want to play with a laser? I think it is a great idea, and encourage anyone with the resources to pursue such an invention to do so. It would be quick and painless, and no more bleeding gums, or trying to fit two fists into the back of your mouth to get between those molars.

Now I know what some of your are thinking: what about the water pick? Have you ever used one of those? It tickles like crazy! Not to mention the fact that you can shoot yourself in the eye and it really hurts.

P.S. I am really excited to get married in two days!

Blonde Post

2009-06-26T04:23:00.000-07:00

I realized as I was sitting here that I never officially renounced my claim that I would never marry a blonde. I have lived my entire life assuring people that I will not be found in holy matrimony with anyone other than someone with dark brown hair. Although I have not yet FULLY lived the contradiction of said promise, I am typing here today to redact that claim. In fact I have to say that I fully intend to marry a blonde, on July 11th at 9:00 AM. Excuse the formality, but some things simply must be done. To tell you the truth, I am kind of excited that it worked out this way.

19 More Days Post

2009-06-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

But who's counting, right? Brittany and I have decided that for some reason days are longer than weeks. I do not really understand this phenomenon. Needless to say 2 weeks and 5 days sounds better, but is a little too long. Like 19 days too long. I guess I am just really excited, but if you were me, and you were marrying Brittany, you would be excited too. This is why I am so excited to marry Brittany:

1. Brittany knows how to make me smile. Not very many people can do that.
2. Brittany is going to be an amazing mother, I am excited to watch her correct all of my mistakes in raising children. After all, that is what the mom is for right?
3. I can actually talk to Brittany about anything. It is so nice to have someone to talk to all the time.
4. Brittany does not put up with my weirdness. She keeps me in line.
5. As our wise and perceptive Bishop announced to the entire ward council, Brittany dragging me along the way slows her down to a normal pace, and gets me sped up to a normal pace. That's so true.
6. I love Brittany, and she is irreplaceable.

There you have it. I am sorry that this post did not really fit in the "rant" category, but hey what can I say?

Dentist Post

2009-06-16T15:12:00.000-07:00

So I went to the dentist today. I hate going to the dentist, but today's visit was particularly unpleasant.
First of all, I have gone to the same dentist since I was about 7 or 8. No one else has ever done any work of consequence in my mouth since, other than some invasive oral surgery that I will not expound upon.
I do not do well with change. The first few red flags in this dentist office were the following:
There were like 6 chairs in the waiting room, at my dentist there is like 20 in BOTH waiting rooms.
I arrived 10-15 minutes before my appointment to fill out any new patient paperwork. The hygienist arrived from her lunch break 20 minutes AFTER my appointment was to start. The doctor left for lunch as I was sitting in the waiting room.
The dentist office was about the size of my apartment, and the carpet might have been just as old. It did not smell like a dentist office. I hate this smell, but today I realized that it is essential to setting the mood of a sterilized environment.
The doctor told me that I had 4 cavities. He showed me them on the X-Ray. I was not convinced. I did not like the fact that this dentist felt the need to convince me that I had cavities. He is the one with the degree.
Needless to say, I will not be going back. I never thought I would be unimpressed with the customer service of a health care professional, but I was.
Oh, and I almost forgot, the hygienist made ME hold the little spit vacuum, seriously?

Getting Married Post

2009-05-20T15:27:00.000-07:00

So big news...I am getting married. This is very exciting, and for most people kind of surprising. I think that secretly most people that I know never thought I would convince a girl to marry me. Since I have now experienced the finding a spouse process and the joys of starting an engagement/wedding plans, I consider myself an expert on the topic. The purpose of this post is to show the world the depth of my knowledge, and hopefully not anger any of Brittany's family members, i.e. her father.
1. Many people look too far away for a spouse. I like to call this "admiring from afar". This is pointless. I have learned that the best people are the people closest to you, aka friends. This is because you already know them, you get along with them, and you are comfortable around them.
2. Boys are stupid.
3. Girls are not stupid.
4. Getting a Costco membership together does not mean that you are married. This one can be a little confusing. According to Costco you may be one household, but you are not.
5. Airlines will celebrate your wedding by dropping fares considerably, this is guaranteed and happens for everyone.
6. Do not put that you are engaged on Facebook until you have told everyone you know in person that you are engaged. This can result in years of harassment. Even your Grandma that has never heard of Facebook will see it before you tell her. Don't ask me how, it just happens.
7. Your roommate will never forgive you for getting married. Don't let him wear you down, stay strong and keep your eye on the prize. Remember that at least your fiance loves you, and those cutting remarks will probably go away after the wedding.
8. Before letting anyone know that you are engaged, write how you got engaged on little note cards that can easily be handed out. Otherwise you and your fiance will get tired of hearing the same story over and over again, as exciting as it may be. When someone asks "how did he do it?", you just hand them the card and say, " read this."
9. Most people will be surprised, and fail to hide it, by the fact that you are getting married. Do not take this personally, it is not because they thought something was wrong with you, change is just a little weird.
10. Along with all the other benefits of getting married, like being in love, having someone to go places with you, etc, you get to go to Target and use a scanner gun to pick out whatever you want. I highly recommend it.

As you can see I know just about everything there is to know. If you ever have any questions, feel free to ask.

Back in Provo Post

2009-05-03T20:52:00.000-07:00

For the last ten days of my life I have been on the road. From this experience I have learned several things:
1. One day on the road is equivalent to about a year. So I feel like I was gone for about ten years.
2. There is nothing in Wyoming besides 12 people and about 12 million cows. Those people in Wyoming do have pretty cool guns though.
3. It is always winter in Idaho.
4. Seattle has a bad a reputation for weather. It was pretty much the only place we went with decent weather.
5. Five person cars do not actually fit five human beings. Perhaps they intended the fifth person to be a small monkey.
6. Fast food is really good, until you eat it more than 3 days in a row.
7. Life before IPods must have been rather miserable.
8. People in Nevada apparently have to hook themselves up to the slot machine they are playing. This is the weirdest thing. They hook themselves to a card that goes into the machine with a long cord. It appears to be some sort of emergency shut-off mechanism. Perhaps if they fall out of their chair dead from smoke inhalation, this will save them from the casino taking all of their money.

Finals Post

2009-04-19T18:56:00.000-07:00

So, on Saturday I took two finals and my brain melted. Consequently, I have not had any coherent thoughts since then. On Thursday, I am going home to Washington, the which I am very excited about. I have not been home since Christmas so it will be nice to be back in the Tri for a while. Here is the catch: I am taking a girl with me. This is weird for several reasons:

1. I thought that girls did not like me, this apparently is not true.

2. I will have to introduce her to people. I do not do well with introductions, and she knows that. Maybe she will help me out with this one.

3. I guess it really is not that weird

I am in trouble for two reasons:

1. I used the phrase "here's the catch" in reference to taking home a girl. Brittany did not like this.

2. I referred to Brittany as "a girl" she also did not like this. Her name is Brittany, don't forget it.

No More School Post

2009-04-14T14:37:00.000-07:00

So today was the last day of classes. I did not want to go to class, but I needed to. It was raining and I did not want to walk in it so my awesome roommate Bryan gave me a ride to campus. I got to my class, New Testament, and found out that my teacher was gone and the Substitute did not show up. So I sat around for like an hour, and chatted with some friends. Then I went and met Brittany, to have something to do before my last class of the year. After like 15 minutes it was time to go to class, and I was like, "I don't want to go to class." And she was like, "You should stay here with me." And I was like, "Yeah I don't learn anything in that class anyway." And guess what...I skipped my other class! I know, crazy. I skipped a class today. And it is all Brittany's fault. I told her I would not blame her, but if it hadn't been for her...So yeah, it was my last day of classes today, and I did not even go to any. I am not really sad about that. I have noticed though that I keep thinking that my professor today probably taught some secret about the final, I may not even sleep tonight, but it was worth it. Bryan my roommate, who has been trying all year to get me to skip a class, is very proud of me. His approval means everything to me.
P.S. Brittany was portrayed as a bad guy in this story. This is not actually the case. I was simply using my artistic license to change what actually happened for the sake of good story-telling. In reality if it was not for Brittany I would have gone to economics (the class I skipped) and I would have fallen asleep and as always, I would have left that classroom with a headache, and right now I would not be in a jolly story-telling mood.

I don't know what to post...

2009-03-28T19:06:00.000-07:00

So it has been 2 weeks since I last posted. This is for only one reason...I have absolutely nothing to write about. I have decided that my life is not interesting enough. Here are some possible plans to hopefully spice up my life a little bit:
1. Get married. This one is much harder than they let on to.
2. Should number 1 fail, which may or may not be the case since I am kind of crazy, I will pursue my life-long goal to become the first LDS Pope. This process would definitely provide for some interesting posts, and who knows it may even justify creating an actual website.
3. Move back to Brazil. I have no idea what I would do there. That's the "spicy" part.
4. Start a stamp collection.
5. Officially change my name to Marcus Aurelius and contract small pox.
6. Write to Church Headquarters and ask to serve a second mission using the excuse that I feel that I am an "exception to church policy". The sad thing is, I am sure someone has tried this.
7. Swim across the Bering Strait. This would be much more interesting than swimming the English Channel.
8. Submit a request to the Queen that the name of the English Channel be changed to the French Channel.
9. Author a tell-all book about my experiences as a produce clerk during "The Bush Years".
10. Take up some extreme sport like skateboarding, can you not see me doing that?

What the post?

2009-03-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

So, the other day I was walking to campus and this random girl stopped me and was like, "Hey, can you do me a favor?" I was like "what the random?" So I agreed to do the favor. She gave me a dollar to go donate to blindness or something and I was thinking that it was kind of weird. Then as I was continuing on toward the donation bake sale, I became kind of scared. I was like, "what if this is like a sting operation or something? I could go to jail!" Then I realized that most people do not buy drugs with 4 quarters, so I went ahead with it. I approached the table and the nice girl was gave me the pitch, and I pulled out my four quarters and was like "Some girl told me to give these to you." Then they said "Have some cookies!" I ate the cookies and they were really good . I felt kind of guilty though because the random girl on the street paid for them and did not get any.

Publish post without title?

2009-03-07T16:50:00.000-08:00

So, I have felt slightly conflicted these past few days. On thursday I went to a lecture by William Easterly from NYU on how foreign aid does not get anything done with respect to economic development. Then last night, I found myself at a fundraiser for underdeveloped countries...
Well pretty sure I will not go to hell if I donate money to poor african children.
Brittany Smith says that I should talk about her because I complaining about not having anything to say. Then I realized that nobody reads this blog anyway, so it does not matter what I say. Well here goes. Brittany used to be pretty cool then she threw a frozen grape at me, and it hit me in the neck. If you ask me that is pretty rude, mainly because it hurts. Then if you think about it she could have donated that grape to charity, and changed the world but she didn't.

2009-03-06T15:11:00.000-08:00

So, I had this idea that I should start a blog, because everybody has blogs except for me and I was feeling kind of left out. Then I came to the realization that I do not have anything to write about, so it may be a bit of a struggle to get started. To fulfill the spirit of the "blog description" I will now write some of the things that are going on in my head.

1. Something has performed an hostile takeover of my lower lip. It is really annoying, and I think it may be the reason why no one has looked at me for the past couple of days.

2. I think that the word "an" should proceed all words that start with the letter h instead of simply "a". Where do you submit proposals for revisions of English grammar?

3. I have to teach a panel of professors and TA's about judicial review next Tuesday. I am a little nervous. How do you teach judicial review in five minutes?

4. I am going to a "hunger banquet" tonight. Yes, that means that I am paying money to go pretend to be a starving African child. One of those things that only happens in America.